It seems that where there is physical violence involving one family member against another family member, no one bats an eyelid, It is acceptable.
Everyone appreciates that:
There are men who have raped their 2 year old daughters, that doesn’t make all men child rapists.
There are men who have beaten their wives to death, that doesn’t make all men wife haters /murderers.
There are women who have abused their children, even killed their children, that doesn’t make all women child killers.
There are women that have killed/poisoned their husbands, that doesn’t make all women husband killers.
I studied law for a few years and I was shocked to see that in criminal law some of the worst murders happened within the family, one family member against another.
No one gets offended about any of these, but when it comes to underhanded emotional/mental abuse/murder as to manifest as disease and disease related death, it seems to be different. So why is that the case?
I have seen cases where definitely one spouse is hateful against another, but there are plenty of cases where the abusers are outside the family. They may be work associates, neighbors, even seeming “good friends” and you will find in all cases they have won the other person’s trust in order to be close enough to hurt them. I have seen cases where some outside the family has been jealous of a married couple who are happy together and sought to harm one or both of them.
Maybe it is case of what people find comfortable or uncomfortable to talk about.
I remember back in the 1960’s if I spoke about having been abused by my parents I was equally shunned and attacked. “I’ve had people say things like “how can you possibly say this or that about your parents?”
The reality that I faced was a nothing to them. They wanted to go with a “mother wouldn’t do this and a father wouldn’t do that”, living in some candy world, senseless to the suffering of others around them. However there are also those who use these attitudes to hide behind. They know full well that there is violence but they are keen to show an apathetic face, some even glee at the other person’s suffering.. i.e., they are toxic people looking for narcissistic supply, to get pleasure from seeing another person suffering.
Toxic people also move to discredit the victim in the eyes of those who would give them moral support, often by quoting psychiatric opinion, which is baseless. Unless a person is related to another, there is no way to judge their interpersonal environment. A late-stage cancer patient, who begins to perceive that there are people among those that surround them, who are harmful, are deemed delusional and drugged. Psychiatrists have no yardstick to make the judgements they make. It is all profit driven.
However simply knowing the foul play a humane person can, without support of other nor medical help, whereas the toxic person is doomed, even with the support of others AND the best medical help.